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So …. dating in 2019, this is fun!

Dating in 2019, wow, what a scary place!  Especially on the heels of watching Dirty John!

Didn’t that podcast and Netflix series freak you the f@ck out?  Seriously, parts of Eric Bana’s character in Dirty John reminded me of my ex, parts had me scared sh*tless of dating ever again without doing a full background check and other parts had me screaming “are you freaking blind woman?” 

Where does one go to find love in this day and age?   I haven’t “dated” in over 10 years … this getting back on the horse things is hard and scary.

What’s out there that’s not Tinder, Bumble or Match.com or any other dating app?  I just don’t find the apps nor the men on them to be all that serious about dating in my opinion.  Dating apps are like shopping for groceries online – I’ll have this, this and this and not that, that or that —- left, left, left, left, right, left, left …. It feels so wrong, judging a man by the few posted pics and 3 intro lines (and vice versa of course!).

The main problem with dating apps is the overabundance of fish in the sea.  I think we feel if the other person doesn’t measure up, it’s easier to hit “not interested” and move on to the next person — all this without even going on a SINGLE date!  This is it?  This is what our society has devolved to – swiping left and right?

It’s not that I’m against dating apps per se — but do I think they’re conducive to finding a long-term relationship?  I’m sure there are many who find true love – I’m not saying that they don’t, but, it’s not been my experience so far with Bumble, I fling witty opening messages at a few of the matches I fancy, but things usually fizzle out after the initial flirtation, the conversation is usually boring or very one sided, so we stop messaging all together.  Or, at the hop – some of the “men” say the grossest, sexist things that I’m like BLOCK!  So, it all goes no where …

So I ask myself truthfully, why?  Why do the conversations go nowhere?  Is it me?  Is it the quality of the men who are on these apps?  How committed am I to finding someone on a dating app?  How committed am I to finding someone right now, at all?  Am I more committed to other things in my life than I am finding a mate?  Has my view of dating been warped by the relationship with my ex? Maybe I just haven’t met the right one yet?  Maybe I’m not looking at dating with the correct perspective/filter right now?

I’m reluctant to let my friends introduce me to friends.  That feels all kinds of uncomfortable.  They big them up so much that what if I meet them and I’m like “meh, he’s ok”?  That may harm our friendship, and I wouldn’t want that.

I don’t go clubbing anymore.  I work in a female dominated industry.  I have limitations on the men I’d like to date – for example – having more kids is a hard no for me – so that removes a large segment of the male population.  I also do not wish to be someone else’s step mama largely because my own kids have flown the coup – so that removes another and larger segment of the men out there.   I also have personal preferences that I consider … I know, I know I have severely limited my options haven’t I?  Or have I?  Is there anything wrong with wanting what you want in life?  Not to me.  I’m an empty nester now, which means I want to get out there and enjoy my life – I started my family young and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but now is MY time …

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To be fair .. I have to ask myself … What’s crossing my mind when I sit across from the other person?  Does he even have a chance the moment he sits down?  Have I already drawn my conclusion of him the moment I laid eyes on him?  The moment he walks in, have I already determined (subconsciously) that the date was going to fail?  Maybe – but I don’t know for sure, it is quite possible.

So this is dating in 2019?  Ouf, this lady may be single for a long while yet.  

Let me hear ’em … your dating stories … am I alone out there?

Namaste

T xo


Clip from Dirty John  – Suspicions arise when Debra Newell’s friend reveals she’s never heard of a John Meehan working at her husband’s hospital.

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2 thoughts on “So …. dating in 2019, this is fun!”

  1. I Met my now fiancée on okcupid. I have tried plenty of fish, match.com, and Christian mingle.
    All these sites provided the same across the board with choices of men. It took me 40 meets greets and dates to finanally find my soulmate.
    The lesson I needed to learn, it just takes time. You need to mine and sift through the dirt to find that diamond in the rough. Don’t commit early when date no or finding someone. Always stick to what you are the most compatible with. You won’t be the perfect couple of everything. But you need to think about the things you could live with in a partner and what you can’t live with out.

    But all this aside – Most importantly you need to be happy. Happy with your life, your work, family and above all yourself.

    Like

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