So, picture this …. something happens in your life … immediately, you assign it meaning, categorize it into some level of importance, you make/draw conclusions and form some kind of opinion about it. We all do it, it’s how we’re conditioned and … it doesn’t serve us.
In doing this what we’re doing is collapsing WHAT HAPPENED and the MEANING we assign to it.
I was on Facebook last night and saw this post by Scott Barry Kaufman. I loved it and it got me to thinking how absolutely true that is – that we don’t have time for that — and it also got me to thinking about the gains I’ve personally made in this area.
What happened is factual, it’s just what’s so. The meaning we assign to it is just that as – well, it’s what we’re making it mean to us AND it’s not REAL!
How many times has this happened in your life? EVERY DAY to be honest.
Pause, take a moment to really get present to what is being communicated …. as human beings we assign meaning to everything that happens to US in LIFE! Crazy right? And true!
It applies to the simplest things – such as the way someone says something to you, how it occurs for you and what you make of it TO much bigger things in life … why you were cheated on, why your wife left you, why you didn’t get that job.
I’ll use myself as a real life example (this is a super abbreviated version for explanation and privacy sake):
I received 4 really amazing positive feedback emails at work (my 9-5 job) in the last 2 weeks and forwarded them along to my higher ups for my personnel file. The one didn’t respond for the first few emails and I felt like the hard work that I was putting in wasn’t being appreciated. Why do I bother working so hard to do such a good job if it wasn’t being recognized. I felt hurt and annoyed.
What Happened? I sent positive feedback emails to my leadership team and one did not respond.
What Did I Make It Mean? I made it mean that I was unappreciated for the work I do, and that I was not valued as an employee.
What’s disempowering here is that in collapsing what happened and what I made it mean is that I was creating a false reality for myself — I was living into something that wasn’t true because I made it mean that. Do you get that, what I’m trying to communicate here? What’s so IS NOT what we make it mean …. all that happened is that one person did not respond and I started creating this whole story that I wasn’t valued or appreciated …. when in fact, nothing is further from the truth. I actually received 2 Applause Recognitions because of those emails re: my commitment to the people I assist and I did receive a response from other other upline a couple of days later (they were busy and responded when they had time — hmmm funny how we don’t consider that stuff either isn’t it? What’s over there with them? 99.9% of the time it has nothing to do with you).
Now for me I was able to get out of that mindset in about 5-7 minutes … that’s it! I didn’t give it any further thought because I’ve been trained and coached on how to look at things differently. And because of that, the quality of my life is different – better – I no longer live in the stories that I create around things – and the best part – I can look back at my life and see where I’ve made meaning out of soooo many things … I’ve mended strained relationships, I’ve changed the trajectory of my life and I’m committed to not making meaning out of things any longer.
Guys, when we start living the things we interpret as being TRUTH we start living into a false reality based on what we made something mean and not what actually happened – so we’re living into a story (our interpretation) of we created about what happened — and IT DOESN’T SERVE US!
Breaking down the things that occur in your life into WHAT HAPPENED vs WHAT’S THE STORY I’M CREATING AROUND IT is a great way to start transforming the quality of your life.
Now get on out there and start not making meaning out of everything!
PS: If you’re interested in receiving some coaching, I am a certified Life Coach and currently have availability to take on 2 new clients. Message me for deets and pkg details.