I have spent the last 12+ months deeply immersed in personal development, for 2 reasons:
- So that I can be contributed to in a way that allows me to make significant changes in the quality of my life
- And, so that I can pass all of this development onto you – coaching my clients, my followers, and my viewers. Of course, the real gold nugget is in the coaching!
What I want to focus on today is INTEGRITY vs MORALITY and the collapsibility thereof. What I invite you to consider as we work through this, IS which areas in your life lack integrity? Listen, I get it’s hard to be confronted with this – when I dug deep – I realized that the mass majority of my life was out of integrity and I do this for a living! My sleep lacked integrity, my health lacked integrity, my commitment to my 9-5 lacked integrity, my gym habits lacked integrity, my relationship with friends and family lacked integrity. So, I say this to you … there is NO make wrong here – IN FACT, congratulations on doing what most people don’t dare to do, what most human beings avoid at all cost and hate to admit. Bravo you beautiful beings for taking on your life POWERFULLY!
Prior to delving into this – let’s start by visiting how Mirriam-Webster defines the 2:
- mo·ral·i·ty | beliefs about what is right behaviour and what is wrong behaviour the degree to which something is right and good : the moral goodness or badness of something.
- in·teg·ri·ty | the quality or state of being complete or undivided : COMPLETENESS
One of the most significant things I got present to over the last 12 months is the old adage “we are our word”. I get …. like I get it, no kidding, 100%! It’s no longer just an old adage to me. It’s smack dab what’s so — if there’s one thing we are in this world, regardless of means or possessions, it’s our WORD! We literally are only as good as our WORD. How we occur to people in life is solely based on our WORD and that comes from another one of my favourites … INTEGRITY.
(as an aside, have you ever considered how your “mess” becomes your message to people?)
Integrity is NOT morality, nor is it ethics, nor the truth. As human beings, we tend to collapse them, and until I really got this distinction, I did it. all. the. time! Oh and of course I thought I was right (of course I did, we so often do). Integrity is about leaving the other person feeling whole and complete. Integrity is also being a matter of your word.
Keeping Your Word vs. Honouring Your Word
Do you know the difference? Have an idea maybe?
There’s a definite difference between keeping your word and honouring your word.
I’m going to get into some of this below and I’m also going to be tapping into my friend, Jacques Berge (fellow Life Coach and founder of Success Club Canada) for some additional thoughts. The reason I’m tapping into Jacques is to revisit and reinforce what I’ve learned and what I know I already know. Also, living life on the “skinny branch” really does take something and it’s impossible to absorb everything all at once. So, tapping into Jacques for additional insight allows me to see what may be off my radar – because we don’t know what we don’t know!
Keeping Your Word
Keeping your word is quite easy to explain – you keep the agreement given between you an another party/parties.
E.G: You have an agreement to meet with Sally at 6:30 PM for dinner at Casa Bud. You arrive at 6:20 PM and are on time for your dinner date. All is well. You’ve kept your word to Sally.
Honouring Your Word
E.G: You have an agreement to meet with Sally at 6:30 PM for dinner at Casa Bud. You haven’t considered the traffic of leaving at rush hour and your GPS says you won’t arrive to Casa Bud until at least 6:45 PM.
You call Sally immediately, when you realize you won’t be on time for your dinner reservation and say something like ” 𝘏𝘦𝘺 𝘚𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘵 6:30 𝘗𝘔, 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 15 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦’𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 … 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘐 𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦. 𝘖𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦, 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘵. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘵 8:30 𝘗𝘔. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘰 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘐’𝘮 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦”.
What you’ve done right there, without even knowing it – is restore integrity with Sally and you honoured your word, even though you weren’t able to keep it. The thing about restoring integrity is that it has NOTHING to do with you. It’s about getting into the shoes of the other person and recognizing the impact ON THEM.
Note: ꜱᴛʀɪᴠɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴋᴇᴇᴘ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ꜱʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴀʟ. ᴄᴏɴꜱɪᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇꜱᴛᴏʀᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ ɪꜱɴ’ᴛ ᴋᴇᴇᴘɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡɪʟʟ ʟᴏꜱᴇ ɪᴛꜱ ᴇꜰꜰᴇᴄᴛ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ᴀ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ – ɪᴛ’ꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠɪᴇᴡ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱᴇʟꜰ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ꜰᴏʀ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀꜱ.
Honesty and integrity are absolutely essential for success in life – all areas of life. The really good news is that anyone can develop both honesty and integrity ~ Zig Ziglar
Let’s a Quick Chat With Jacques …
So, we’ve gone over the difference between keeping and honouring our word … I’m going to tap into Jacques for his brief, personal thoughts on the matter.
1- Question: So, tell me how would you personally describe the difference between integrity vs morality? In your words, what’s the main distinction between the two?
“There’s two basic emotions – love and fear.
Fear based judgment is morality – good, bad, right, wrong, pretty, ugly … and we do this to protect ourselves.
Love based integrity is looking at being in the other person’s world, respecting them and looking for a win-win.”
2- Question: Why Do Think People Collapse Morality and Integrity?
“Because it’s easier to blame somebody else than to look at the truth. We’re conditioned since childhood to find negative evidence to prove that we’re right”
3- Question: What do you feel restoring integrity allows? What Do You Feel is the Most Important Piece of Restoring Integrity?
“Getting complete with the old way of being and creating a new way that serves both people.
Having the courage to be vulnerable – that’s the only way it’ll happen – if you have the courage to be VULNERABLE and have established trust you can create any new possibility.”
The fact is that WITHOUT INTEGRITY NOTHING WORKS!
Jacques and I will actually be creating a more detailed video surrounding this and will posted on my Facebook page —> click here to go to my Facebook page and follow.
This week I invite you to consider taking on what it is to be responsible for every promise you commit to, to the people in your life/work/relationships AND YOURSELF. If you want better results in life, raise your level of integrity. Quit being loosy goosy with your words.
What difference would that make for you? For them?