What Does it mean to be Powerfully Single?

Hey everyone, how are you all doing today?  Thanks for reading, I really hope you’ve all been awesome and living your best lives!

I just got in not too long ago from dinner with one of my good friend’s who is home for a visit from Japan – she and her family moved there 2 years ago on a work assignment and I haven’t been able to see her since she was home last year (if you’ve been following my blog for a while,  I blogged about my visit to Japan in 2017 – to read that post, click HERE).  We had a great dinner and visit, and it was so amazing hearing everything that she and the family are up to, time really does fly and I really am learning not to take it for granted.

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Linda and I at Milestones for dinner 

No, I didn’t hop on here to talk about my catch up sesh with Linda (although it was great and def not long enough), I’m here to chat with you a bit about choosing to powerfully be single AND sometimes being lonely.  Why? Why now?  Cause I got home to my empty condo, poured myself a nice glass of pino grigio and sat down solo on the terrace and thought “hmmmm, it would have been nice if I had someone who was here when I got home to ask how seeing Linda was.  Someone to have that glass of wine on the terrace with, someone to proof read my blogs”.  

Although I know I have chosen to be unattached, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel the sting sometimes,  the sting of loneliness, of wanting someone to have dinner with, to have a glass of wine on the terrace or to just hug me hard and kiss my forehead, to say goodnight or good morning to.  I realized that I can make that powerful choice and still have it sting sometimes and that’s ok.

Why Am I choosing to be Powerfully Single and What Does That Mean?

I get that question more often then I’d like sometimes.  Choosing to be “powerfully” single means that I have made the choice/decision to elect with full power the need to not be attached to anyone.  It means that I’m being fully present to what’s important to me and being fully self expressed and that makes me feel powerful.  And by choosing to be single “powerfully” I’m not just choosing to be single, I do it on my terms and in full control of my choice.  I make the choice with integrity and in authenticity to myself, that’s the distinction in choosing powerfully.

Being aware of your current thoughts, emotions and actions helps you distinguish where you are operating from.  Once you’re aware of how you are operating you can easily choose the way you want to be.  It’s my responsibility to myself to distinguish which parts of me are working and which parts are not working.  Once I’ve done that, I can powerfully choose who/what I want to be, simple.  And, that distinction is easily applicable to all areas of my life btw, each decision I make I make sure that I choose powerfully.

Why Do I Choose To Be Single?

Simple answer:  I’m a lobster, every get that? If I’m too old, it refers to the person of whom another is meant to be with forever.  It originated due to the fact that lobsters mate for life (at least, according to Phoebe Buffet)

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Honest answer: I won’t settle, I know what I have on offer, what I feel is important in a relationship.  I don’t have fairy tale dreams of some knight in shining armour like we were taught as young girls.  I don’t need rescuing or a sugar daddy.  I’m not even looking for someone who checks off fictitious check boxes in my mind.  I’m looking for someone with whom we have chemistry, respects me, has a great sense of adventure and is faithful.  And, I know he’s out there, and I know I’ll meet him, when the time is right and the Universe has conspired to create such awesomeness.

I go out and I have fun, and, I’ve chosen intentionally not just to be with someone for the sake of being with someone … that’s easy and it’s not who I am, never has been and never will be.  I’ve had 2 serious relationships in my life – one I married and the other I was engaged to.  Some women look at me with a sense of pity, and I clap back (nicely) “hunney, I’m all good,  I don’t feel sorry for me, nor should you.  Now get on out there and worry about stuff like climate change, animal abuse or human trafficking”  

I’m not here to preach that it’s so awesome that you should all ditch the BFs or GFs or both, and join me.   I’m just suggesting that when you choose to be or not to be in any relationship, choose POWERFULLY.  

Did this resonate with you? Are you choosing powerfully?  Could you be? What would that look like for you living in that possibility?  What could you create?  

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10 days of gratitude: day 10 – MY BIG BEAUTIFUL HEART!

IT’S DAY 10/10 and I could keep going with my list of gratitudes … but I’ll wrap the posts at 10, as promised.

Randy Travis wrote a song years ago called My Heart Cracked … some of the lyrics go:

Shattered dreams, lay everywhere
Broken promises, are all we share
I finally took, all I could take
My heart cracked, but it did not break

My heart’s been broken, twice – we’ve all have broken hearts – they suck don’t they?  But today, I’m grateful for my heartbreaks.

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Someone Like You – Adele

Each heartbreak made my heart stronger, wiser and hopefully more experienced. It gave me the wisdom to tell between loyalty and unfaithfulness, to tell the difference between a lie and a truth, and eventually between reality and expectations.

I used to listen A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans on repeat when I was going through it. Do you love this song too?

It doesn’t happen overnight but you
Turn around and a month’s gone by
And you realize you haven’t cried
I’m not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I’m busy getting stronger

And, oh, I’m done thinking,
You could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days,
I get a little bit stronger

But that was time ago, and I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl (Sasha Fierce), I’m better than that.  I have so much to offer someone and when The Universe feels it’s time for me to meet him, I will.  Until then, I’m just happy being ME and be grateful for my lessons in love.

Namaste

 T xo


10 days of gratitude: day 8 – THE SUN!

Today’s blog is going to be quick and very to the point … I woke up, felt the warm sun on my face after a long winter, I see the trees trying to bloom their first leaves …

and it hit me, I’m grateful for THAT!  I simple act of nature, and I’m grateful for that.

Can you imagine a world without the sun?

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I didn’t fully realize how much I truly love the warmth and goodness of the sun – I’m a SUMMER BABY, it’s no wonder that Summer is my favourite season.

We have the blessing of witnessing beautiful sunrises in the morning and stunning sunsets in the evening.  Be grateful for the sun, for without it food wouldn’t grow and your body wouldn’t experience its warmth.

“Regardless of Sunshine or Rain, Be Thankful for another GREAT 
day…and treat Life as the ULTIMATE Gift.... Because IT IS :)”

― Pablo

Anyone else remember this song?

So let the sun shine in
Face it with a grin
Smilers never lose
And Frowners never win
So let the sun shine in
Face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in

10 days of gratitude: day 7 – MY MISTAKES

…. we all make them, non intentional – oversights.

Today I focus on being grateful for my mistakes

Made perhaps via clouded judgment, your perspective of the world, opening your mouth when you should have thought beforehand or that stupid phone call or text.  WE ALL MAKE THEM AND GUESS WHAT YOU’LL MAKE MORE …

Making them isn’t the biggest part of the problem, it’s what we learn and take away from the mistake we made. I’ve met enough people who learned little from their own stupidity.  The truth is LEARNING from your mistakes is DAMN hard … how many of us have repeated the same “mistake” more than once?  I know I’m guilty of it as much as the next gal … I mean c’mon have you ever met anyone who enjoyed failing?

Learning from your mistakes does not happen automatically—it requires thinking and reflection.

Plus, remember you CANNOT avoid making mistakes – the world we live in today is ever changing … every mistake helps you grow, learn, understand. Be grateful for the wisdom that your mistakes enabled. Life has so many uncertainties and variables that mistakes are inevitable.

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10 days of gratitude: day 6 – MY BELONGINGS!

This morning I woke up, made my tea with my shiny red kettle, poured it into my large Starbucks mug, sat in my lovely sea-foam green chair in my lovely new condominium, with my MacBook Air to write this blog.  After which, I will put on my Canada Goose jacket and Ralph Lauren boots and will drive to work in my SUV.

I elaborated above intentionally … any guesses based on my intro what today’s gratitude is????

Today’s blog post is about being grateful for what I have ….  for my belongings!

My bags, my clothes, my couch, my bed, my shoes, my SUV, my FitBit — everything I own, I’m grateful for.  I’m grateful that I CAN and DO own these things. I have more than some, less than others – but I am still extremely grateful for what I have insofar as my belongings.  I’m grateful that I had the ability to purchase them or be gifted them.  I definitely cannot complain for all that I have and I am so GRATEFUL for it.

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

~ Thank U, Alanis Morissette

I am truly grateful for all of the things that I do have —  even my pots and pans, my candles, my fan and my duvet — without my pots/pans I could not cook, I could not keep cool without my fan on a hot summer’s day and I could not sleep as warmly without my comfy comforter.  ALL of these little things are important and make my life easier, and for that I am grateful.

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I love this song — so many thank yous  😍

10 days of gratitude: day 5 – MY MENTORS!

I’m 1/2 way through my 10 days of gratitude with this post!  It hasn’t been hard at all finding things to be grateful for …

Post #5 is about the people in my life who have had an impact, in ways some people have no idea that they even have.  Some people are just so amazing, that to be around them makes me better or feel better.

(coincidently this is my 100th post! – woo hoo – I’m grateful for that)

This post is about MY MENTORS … 

Some are family, others friends, a couple of teachers, and even a few bosses.  

I’m grateful for those individuals who took time out of their lives to help me and give me guidance. Who made me feel more competent, recognized my skillsets and acknowledged my value.  To those who showed me that I am loved and how to love.  To those of you taught me the value of integrity and the strength of my word.  To you fine folks who believed in me when I didn’t even believe in myself – who pushed me to be bigger, better, brighter!  TO THOSE OF YOU WHO SHARED WITH ME THE CHEAT SHEET TO LIFE … my life is greater and grander because of YOU and I’m so blessed and grateful!

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Conversely, I’m also grateful for the people who came in and out of my life.  Who were there for a reason, a season, and the experience wasn’t so pleasant — this goes to the same – family, friends, teachers and bosses.  My experience with you too,  even if not through mentorship, has taught me so many valuable lessons – how to be a better friend, to be a better colleague, do be better in spite of my past with you.  The real gratefulness here for me that that I was wise enough to lose the person but not necessarily the lesson.

Not everyone in your life is meant to come and stay forever – some people come into your life at the exact moment you need them to, to show you something, to help you grow and then they move on – vice versa – sometimes people come into your LIFE so that you can show them, teach them and then you’re on your way.

 

ARE YOU UP FOR A CHALLENGE?

Identify 3 people who had a significant and positive experience on your life.

These can be coaches, mentors, professors, bosses, family members, or anyone else. Call those people and thank them for the difference they made in your life.

I did this and it felt so good, I’m still going 🙂


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A recent Facebook post by my friend Kimberley Smith

10 days of gratitude: day 4 – MY CHARACTER!

Ok, we are onto day 4 TODAY, I have so many things to be grateful for – we all do – we just have to take stock of everything little thing – things don’t always have to move mountains to be significant enough to be grateful for – in fact for me it’s quite the opposite.  I’m grateful for the little things in life.  

Today I’m grateful for my CHARACTER … and the things that make me who I am – mainly my courage, strength, determination, integrity and sticktoitiveness.

I’ve lived for 44 years on this earth and I’ve come soooo FAR! From that little, scared, shy, wallflower of a girl, I made it despite or in spite of my adversities, feelings of not fitting in, heartbreaks and pain, though disappointment and failure. I AM HERE due to my sheer strength, grit and determination, STRONGER, BETTER, BOLDER THAN EVER BEFORE, more determined than ever to be my true authentic self and to stand for myself foremost and utmost.  I  had someone truthfully say to me that they were impressed because “for all intents and purposes you should have been a statistic”.  And, I’m not gonna lie, I probably should have been – I broke the cycle of a few things in my family.  With that,  I hugged that person and said “Thank you”.  

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I found my voice and I never looked back.  I’m here, alive, motivated and raring to go. “Be grateful to whatever is giving you the will to drag yourself out of bed and face the world. Be it your motivation, your goals, your God, whatever, be grateful for the courage”.

I’m grateful for:

  • the time when I supported a friend in despair, who felt I was someone they could confide in, to tell me they were struggling.  
  • the time that smiled for a family photo when all I wanted to do was to cry, but I didn’t.
  • the strength to do my job well so that I can help people recovery from their disability and return to healthy, productive lifestyles.
  • my poor, poor heart — scared, wounded, healed, and still up for more of the same. No matter how much it bears it bounces back. 
  • my strength to face my troubles and overcome my sorrows.  
  • the the fact that I was able to become better from my past to where I am today.  

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George Harrison “Om Hare Om (Gopala Krishna)”

10 days of gratitude: day 3 – MY SITUATION!

How are we feeling today for Day 3 of our 10 days of GRATITUDE?

Today’s #3 can certainly be difficult to think of in gratitude especially when we’re down in the dumps, we’ve had our heart broken, lost a loved one or even got passed over for a job we really wanted.  #3 takes a bit of perspective and the ability to see that no matter the situation, it can always be worse, even when at the time it feels like we’re at your worse.

the 3rd things that I’m grateful for is MY SITUATION …

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This blog is serious shit, remember we’re all gonna be aye ok 🙂

If you’re reading this you are already in a better situation than the hundreds of millions of individuals who are struggling each day.

I have felt all kinds of shitty over my 44 years, I promise you – I’ve failed at life and in situations just as many times if not more than you have. I’ve been in shock, in despair. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been scared to death.  I’ve been cheated on, lied to, manipulated. I’ve been days from not being able to pay my mortgage at times.  I’ve gotten in trouble cause I can’t keep my mouth shut.  I’ve loved and lost.  I’ve been lonely.  I’ve been mad and sad.  I’ve been let go.  I almost lost my only brother and lost my dad only 6 months later.  I’ve been treated like crap when all I’ve done is loved.  I’ve been taken advantage of on so many levels (emotionally, financially) … I could keep going but you get the drift.

In the days when I literally did nothing but cry and stay in bed. When I couldn’t sleep or eat. When my heart ached so much it felt as if it was going to explode.  When I was at my worst – I STILL KNEW I was better off than most of the millions of people in this vast world, who can’t afford a roof over their head/who sleep on the streets, they can’t afford food in their bellies, to buy clothes for their babies, they cannot afford to get out of the ghetto, someone they love has just been murdered, someone is struggling with mental health and can’t get the right treatment, someone out there just received the news they’ve got 3 months to live. I was all of the things I mentioned earlier in my blog, but other folks had it worse.  What they wouldn’t have given to trade with me for a brief moment, even when I was in the depth of my despair.  So remember, your situation could ALWAYS be worse.

Your situation also serves as a blessing (in disguise).

Kelly Clarkson said it best (sing it with me – you know you want to )

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone
What doesn’t kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn’t mean I’m over ’cause you’re gone


Another song I love by Krishna Das …

10 days of gratitude: day 2 – MA FAMILLE!

Welcome to day 2 of practicing gratitude ... 

Thanks for joining me along my gratitude journey.  It always feels 
more productive for me to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys in 
this case).  There's obviously a reason counsellors will suggest 
journalling, it just feels good to get it out there!  I've been 
practicing mental gratitude for a long while now, but, I've never 
really put the things I'm truly grateful for in my life on paper.

I’m onto item #2 – my list won’t be listed in order of importance  – just as they come to me and what inspires me to write each day.

ITEM #2 IS MA FAMILLE (aka family)

FAMILY, your biggest fans and your most honest critics aren’t they?

My Parents: The only beings who could possibly love you more than to infinity and beyond. Not all parents are great, I’ll give you that, but at the bare minimum they did choose to let you live and gave you life. Some didn’t even get to be born 😦  I’m most grateful to my parents for their support and undying love. It wasn’t always easy, and sometimes it was a pure struggle – but that life gave me the strength to be solid human I am today.  Be grateful for the opportunity if you still have it – losing my dad was the hardest thing I’ve had to go through in life to date.  What I’d do for one last phone call.

My Brother: Your siblings are the best thing that could ever happen to you, with my brother some days I doubt that, and although I struggle to stand for my brother at times, I love him unconditionally.   No matter how much we bicker and argue, at the end of the day he’s always there for me and when push comes to shove he’s always on my  side.

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My Children: The ones who test you to the brink of insanity, then give you the biggest hug (or do the dishes lol) and it all just melts away.  My kids are my life.  My reasons for being.  The reasons that I woke up on days where I felt giving up.  They’re my prides, my joys, the loves of my life.  They’re everything I did right in this world (happy crying right now).  They’re the purest reflection of me, and I adore them to infinity and beyond.

My foster child, Maria in Zambia and the ones I had beforehand – my heart swells each time I receive a letter from her, on how she’s doing, and the lovely pictures I receive drawn by some little girl on the other side of the world who loves me because I donate less than a cup of coffee per day and write her letters …

My friends, the family you choose ….. the crazy nights out, the embarrassing memories, the late night phone calls, the laughs, the cries and the fact that they’ve got your back. Always grateful for those priceless relationships.  To the ones whom super I’m connected with, to the ones I don’t get to see as ofter as I’d like to, the ones I’ve lost touch with and the ones yet to come into my life.  I’m grate for them all and all of the experiences – they’ve shaped me into the person that I am today.  I’m a pretty big loner, but, I’ve got to say I have a pretty solid base surrounding me.

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LIFE IS GOOD, and BETTER SURROUNDED BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS!


Finding Swammy captures exactly how I feel about this song (love)
This song has touched my heart and I am in tears. If you read this – I send you love. No matter what you are going through – I got love for you. If life is good for you then I rejoice with you and if it’s not going so well I am with you there but also letting you know that it will get better ~ Finding Swamy

10 days of gratitude: day 1 – MY LIFE!

I’ve been trying to figure out what to write about next.  I wasn’t into researching any more on my family tree. But,  I have been spending some time determining what I wanted to do the first month of my move to SEAsia (next year – woo hoo!).

Enter INDIA, I have been wanting to spend time at an ashram for about 10 years now.  This is my chance to make it happen — fulfill a bucket list item.  I’m in the process of researching which ashrams, locations and what each one has to offer.  I’m actually sitting here listening to Om Nama Shivaya on iTunes as I write it (my fave version is by Krisha Das FYI). Om Namah Shivaya Mantra (ॐ नमः शिवाय) is perhaps among the most powerful and the most popular mantras on the earth. It’s such a powerful mantra for me that I had it tattooed on my left hip about 8 years ago.

But I mostly want to go to spend time in India for its spirituality. Although it’s a cliche, the whole ‘gaining personal enlightenment and inner peace‘ aspect IS a major draw, at least for me. I’ve always searched for that – even here … and that lead me to my blog topic for today and the next 9 days … GRATITUDE!


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and ….

the #1 thing that I’m extremely grateful for is ….  MY LIFE!

No matter how you think it is, LIFE IS truly A GIFT.

No matter how much I’ve been through in my years on earth, I still get up and am thankful that I get to live another day … to tell the people in my life how much they mean to me and to be thankful for what I have.  I don’t feel that we as a society take enough time to stop and think about what we DO HAVE.  We’re mainly a society focussed on what we don’t have, what we need next to keep up with the Jones’.

STOP and be grateful for the simple fact that you had the opportunity to wake up this morning when so many individuals don’t get a chance to make it as far as you did.

I work in disability claims, this job can be thankless in a lot of respects, but it is fulfilling when you have the chance to help someone move forward in their life and get to see how you’ve directly impacted their life trajectory.  It is also VERY HUMBLING on the daily, I deal with some members who are extremely ill – who are struggling daily with their activities of daily living, struggling with deep amounts of physical and/or emotional pain and some who know with certainty that their life expectancy on this earth has a DEFINITE TIMELINE 😦

Saturday mornin’ at the crack of sunrise
Thank the man upstairs for lettin’ me open my eyes
~ Mack 10 – Backyard Boogie

My father for example, woke up one morning 4 years ago, expecting to live a regular day, and passed away suddenly on his kitchen floor at 60 – 4 days before he was to come visit me.  Not to sound morbid, but, that is a REAL LIFE, straight to the heart example to me of how precious life really is.

Disease, poverty, famine, drought, natural disasters, accidents — ALL claim thousands of lives each year, but you were lucky. You got to live, to survive, to exist and to be able to dream yet another day!  Be grateful for your life.  It’s awesome and it’s also what you make it.  Dream BIG. Love HARD.  RUN toward your life, not away from it.  You create your life — NOW GO LIVE IT.